Big Red's Fun Bus

Live Stuff

2011-02-21T02:30:00.002Z

I'll be playing The Stand comedy club in Glasgow on Tuesday 1st March as part of their Red Raw Night. £2 entry and lots of great new acts. Hope to see you there.

Volume 2 Episode 2

2010-11-04T16:20:00.000Z

Hello and welcome to another new Big Red's Fun Bus podcast. Doing another wee experiment this time by mixing solo rants with some sketches.

In this edition I look at Hallowe'en and why parents being frightened to send their kids out is damaging to society, I trawl the supermarket to find a good porn name, and look at the fear that having a Tory government may lead to the murderisation of the Scottish working class.

Also in this edition, the Mercenary Charity Worker gets desperate, Eddie Armin presents his ghost busting service, and Leo DC tells of the time he worked with Jack Nicholson.

Plus Malcolm briefly looks at the perils of online shopping and there's another Scottish word for you to learn.

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Am I Paranormal?

2010-09-30T12:00:00.000+01:00

Eddie Armin: Heaven's Child Fixes You

2010-09-29T18:00:00.000+01:00

Subliminal Messages

2010-09-29T12:00:00.000+01:00

The Terror That Stalks Britain's Streets

2010-09-28T12:00:00.000+01:00

A Couple Of Dates

2010-09-27T12:00:00.000+01:00

Extraordinary People: South African Edition

2010-09-26T14:42:00.000+01:00

Mercenary Charity Worker

2010-09-25T12:00:00.000+01:00

Electric Boogaloo Opening Video

2010-09-24T22:33:00.002+01:00

Here's the opening video from the second live show. I'll be posting the sketches made for the show over the next few days including some unshown ones and a blooper reel. Dn't know if there's a video of the actual stand up performance yet as the venue was meant to film it but I'm not sure if they did. Anyway here's the first video:

Volume 2 Episode 1 Part 2

2010-09-16T17:16:00.001+01:00

Part 2 of the first part of the second bit of a pilot or something.

Anyway in this part we talk about Lost’s many unresolved questions, what we’ve been getting up to over the past year, our hopes and fears for our upcoming live show, and a whole lot more (or less), all in really thick Scottish accents so good luck!

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Volume 2 Episode 1 Part 1

2010-09-16T14:49:00.004+01:00

Welcome to the first part of the first episode of the second volume of Big Red’s Fun Bus, or Episode 11 Part 1 if you will. Look on the previous ten episodes, or what is now being called by me at least Volume 1, as an extended, really drawn out pilot show. Well this is the first bit of the second pilot. Instead of sketches this features myself chatting with good friend and fellow comic John Speirs about lots of random things, for a very long time, hence this being split in two. Why pilots? Because the future plans for Big Red’s Fun Bus is for the show to be a combination of both of these forms in an exciting, new format that’s been done many times already no doubt.

Anyway, in this part we talk about the Pope’s visit to Scotland, said country’s inability to play football, Twilight’s many failings, Mario turning 25, and dodgy haircuts. There’s probably some other stuff too.

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Remember you can subscribe on iTunes. Just search "Big Red's Fun Bus". This podcast is the only thing that comes up, great, eh?

Episode 10 - HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNK!!! (World Cup Special)

2010-06-16T20:40:00.002+01:00

The football (soccer to those who prefer football to be played with your hands) is in full swing in South Africa and as per usual the games are mince, the punditry awful and Scotland aren’t there.

Still there’s much to love, like English arrogance, ITV missing a goal to show a commercial and those Vuvuzelas. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!

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"Inept" Vegetables

2010-05-19T03:51:00.001+01:00

So I'm watching BBC Breakfast News this morning (well yesterday morning now) like I normally do while I get ready for work. You know the one, the bland background noise programme with the stories of people dying in wars crossed with some preening git reporting on how some tossers are swimming in a freezing river, because they're local characters and this is what local character types do. The one with the smug chap and the non-threatening sexually-speaking attractive middle class bit of skirt, that's a description of all the male and female presenters on BBC Breakfast News' roster.

Anyway it was on in the background as per usual and there was some serious story bleeding from the telly's speakers, all the world's Dolphins fall drastically short of national education standards and so find it hard to compete in the difficult job market, something like that. Then they went to the "not so serious so as not to put you in a total downer before you've even started your trudging commute to your shit job" story. It was actually a bit of a downer too as it revealed that sales of Cauliflowers are at an all time low. Checking the BBC website and typing "cauliflower" into the search engine reveals that this is a story they've covered a lot, leading me to believe the news editor's got a side gig as a green grocer and he's desperately trying to boost sales.

The reason for the British public falling out of love with one of the few flowers to be associated with battered ears seems to be that we're thick. You see we've been told to "eat our greens" by doctors and government types, but cauliflowers are mainly white. So the theory goes that the Great British public are refusing to eat cauliflowers because they're the wrong coloured vegetable for a healthy lifestyle. Sales of carrot's must be fucked. I mean look at how brightly coloured they are. There's no way something that orange can be good for you. Bite into a carrot and it's full of trans-fats and cancer which pounce into your mouth and murder you from within. So the theory goes.

Then "it" happened. It. IT! Now you're thinking, it must be an important it given all that pissing about with the typeface. It's a monumental moment in telly news. The reporter started doing the usual voxpops with members of the public who have jumped at the chance to talk about anything on TV because they're actually even less talented than those on Britain's Got Talent so this is their one chance at fame. "Nah it tastes mingin' dint it, yeah?" says one young lady, "I put it in everything" says a middle aged hippy type whose best drug taking days are now behind her but you suspect she still tries smoking some cabbage leaves once in a while just to relive those hedonistic days. Then "he" appeared. He. H... you get the idea, the he that made the it happen.

He declared cauliflower to be "inept".

Inept. Not the sort of word you're expecting during a piece about cauliflower is it? He had that air about him, the "I'm right intelligent me and I'm going to analyse the cauliflower situation in more depth than the rest of these oiks" one. And yet he ended up calling it inept. He called it inept and then didn't follow up why he thinks it suffers from this crippling level of ineptitude. I'd love to ask him, "what do you find to be inept about cauliflower?". Could it be its ability to do longjump? Or how about the fact that it can't work on an oil rig? You get the impression this guy would level a charge of incompetence towards carrots because he's been eating them for decades and he still keeps bumping into the sideboard when he gets up to take a piss in the middle of the pitch black night.

But why is this idiotic utterance a major moment in telly news I hear you ask, confirming that the voices in my head are back. Why? Because in one word on as an inane a subject as cauliflower's decline this man, this saint, showed that Voxpops are not news. They are filler. I don't watch the news to find out if Jeff from Swindon thinks it's great that we're in a war in Afghanistan because it means telly during the night's a bit more interesting, I watch it to find out what's happening in the world. But instead of doing that news programmes feel the need to show what ill informed members of the public think about things they clearly know nothing about. I'm still waiting for the piece of VT where local youths discuss how to block that leaking oil hole, although their suggestions probably won't be worse than the actual attempts to do so. It's in doing this that instead of finding out about something like the Daily Express getting pummelled for its shameful Dunblane "expose" instead we hear a man call cauliflowers "inept".

Hopefully this shocking incident will force the news to get back to reporting and leave the public to voice their opinions where they're supposed to, on the internet or from the back of a bus whilst pished on cheap wine. But then what do I know? Not only am I doing this on the internet whilst boozed up I also think tables are overrated. Quick Mr. BBC man, mic me up.

Episode 9 - You Decide! 2010

2010-05-05T20:18:00.003+01:00

That’s right, it’s election time in the UK. So get those gladrags on and get down to your local school/community centre/municipal dump and get a-voting.

Whether it’s the live debates, Bigotgate or the Lib Dems finding out what people paying attention to them feels like this has been a riveting* election campaign, and Big Red’s Fun Bus has chosen to ignore most of it before making some fart gags and class politics jokes as per usual.

So make your election night Dimbleby-free by listening to You Decide 2010! We promise it’ll change the way you look at politics**.

*By “riveting” we mean about as interesting as staring at rivets

**It won’t but that’s how politicians talk, see?

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Big Red's Fun Bus Live In One Go

2010-04-24T17:08:00.002+01:00

Here's the whole show plus video sketches as one big video:

Big Red's Fun Bus Live from Big Red's Fun Bus on Vimeo.

Big Red's Fun Bus Live Playlist

2010-04-21T04:01:00.001+01:00

It's Scotland

2010-04-20T00:02:00.001+01:00

The Scottish Diet

2010-04-19T00:05:00.000+01:00

Excercise To The EXTREME!!!

2010-04-18T21:31:00.001+01:00

Big Red's Fun Bus Live Video

2010-04-18T14:39:00.001+01:00

Is coming soon (when I get some bloody editing software that works!).

Big Red's Fun Bus Live

2010-03-09T20:47:00.001Z

Yes, really. Big Red’s Fun Bus comes to the live stage in a show that psychic soothsayers are already calling “a triumph” and “an effing disaster”. See for yourself which it will be on March 24th at Paisley Students Union.

Tickets are £2 and available from me either via the Facebook page (search for Big Red’s Fun Bus and become a fan) or in person. The times are variable, let’s be honest it’s the basic human need to compartmentalise the passage of existence that’s making me put some on it. On other words doors are 8pm then the “experience” (Ant Rogers, Paisley Student’s Union) starts soonish after.

Come for the ride (insert other bus-like reference here).

Episode 8 - No Well

2009-12-27T04:44:00.000Z

It's Big Red's Fun Bus' Xmas Special!

Well we're all stuffed with turkey, unless you're one of those weirdos that eats salmon for Xmas dinner, and ready now to get this tinsel-filled sell-fest over with. But first let's catch up with all our favourite Xmas characters such as Santa, Rudolph, er...Santa and Noddy Holder.

Plus as it's Xmas there are plenty of commercials. Will you be seeing a Scottish based Xmas film, or heading down to Tony's for some gifts. Or will you just spend Boxing Day scratching your bum?

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Episode 7 - Moon River

2009-12-20T22:21:00.000Z

In this edition Vlad Mackay has a go at Twilight, Jimmy has a go at the sexual habits of those younger than him and David Hasselhoff, Rugger Man details why he quit drinking.

There’s another Scottish lesson, Mercenary Charity Worker rages against the credit crunch and Simon “Strings” Mackenzie recommends his favourite club night.

Plus Malcolm dissects the Michael Jackson seance, finding water on the moon and Adele’s Chasing Pavements and there’s much, much more (alright three other sketches).

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Episode 6 - A Symphony Of Titters

2009-10-31T23:35:00.002Z

It’s the quickly cobbled together Hallowe’en cash in, er, special of Big Red’s Fun Bus!

In this edition Sylvester gives his tips on how to pull at a Hallowe’en party and we meet Vlad Mackay, the Paisley based vampire.

Plus lots more spooky goings on.

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Sky's Michael Jackson Seance

2009-10-17T18:19:00.001+01:00

Death By Twitter

2009-10-14T01:07:00.000+01:00

According to severely restricted social network spout pipe Twitter every single celebrity in the world has died. All projects they were working on will now be released as special tribute editions, no matter what stage of completion they stood at. After this the only new media of any sort shall be those things they did early that were shelved for being dire but now that those starring are famous there is a selling point.

A memorial service for all the deceased fame whores will be held next week but will not be televised due to the lack of celebrity attendance on account of them all being dead.

The day after the service a popular national tabloid will no doubt print sordid details of eachof the celebs final hours leading up until their collective death, every account involving how they piled drink/drugs/bacon into their system whilst having freaky sex in a cupboard with a hooker/bit on the side.

It is unclear how ordinary people will cope with this brave new non-starlet filled world and Samaritans have announced extra operators to cope with an increase of calls.

UPDATE!!!

All the celebrities quoted on social lie spout Twitter as being dead are, in fact, alive.

The memorial service will still be held as practice in case this hoax ever becomes a tragic reality.

Don't Boycott Scotland

2009-08-29T18:09:00.000+01:00

How To Tell Scrooge McDuck's A Glaswegian

2009-08-05T21:19:00.001+01:00

Bill Corbett, of the hilarious Rifftrax team, posted a while back on his Twitter page a rather interesting link. Supposedly Scrooge McDuck, of Duck Tales fame, is from Glasgow. So here's a guide to how you can tell that Scrooge McDuck is a Glaswegian:

There was a banned episode of Duck Tales where McDuck stabbed a guy for "looking at him a bit funny"

He does a flawless Rab C. Nesbitt impersonation when he's drunk

His liver's flammable

He regularly hangs out with that other lovable animated racial stereotype Groundskeeper Willy.

He clearly doesn't have any teeth

If the opening credits to Duck Tales are to be believed he swims in his money (00:23):

Anything to avoid a bath, eh?

He's got a lot of kids hanging about his house that aren't his. Probably fiddling the benefits again.

He doesn't wear any underwear.

Like all successful Scots he buggered off abroad (unless Duckburg is just outside Clachnacuddin)

He's a racist. Okay he doesn't say it out loud but all of his friends are white.

See it's obvious when someone points it out to you!

Episode 5 - Burns Scuppered

2009-07-26T20:23:00.000+01:00

In this edition Eddie Armin gets spiritual, there’s some shocking news reports from Scotland’s crack news team, plus Malcolm Chuff pontificates about Palestinian tourism and whether the BBC should ban swearing.

Simon “Strings” McKenzie gives us another cool band, there’s a guide to speaking foreign and the Mercenary Charity Worker promotes a controversial charity.

Plus there are commercials that aim to change your way of life.

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Podbean Player

2009-07-26T15:43:00.005+01:00

Just a quick reminder ahead of the imminent arrival of episode 5 of Big Red's Fun Bus that you can hear the first four episodes on this very site. You don't need to trawl through all the guff, sorry, momentous comedic witterings, oh no.

Instead of looking for all the posts labelled "the show" you can check out all available episodes at any time thanks to the Podbean Player. There's one on the sidebar and another at the bottom of the page (plus there's another on the Big Red's Fun Bus My Space page. Bebo won't allow it to be embedded at the moment so other arrangements are being made to post the show on there for the members of that group if they're too lazy to go elsewhere!).

If you still don't know what is being referred to here it is:

Listen away!

Episode 5 In The Works

2009-07-19T17:14:00.002+01:00

Episode 5 of Big Red's Fun Bus has been a long time in the making.

Actually that's a lie because I've just started making it. I'll try and make sure it doesn't become a long time in the making as of now though.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next episode of Paisley's Premier Pile of Poo sketch show (not a tag that I think will catch on!) coming soon.

Complaining To The BBC

2009-07-05T23:20:00.000+01:00

Technology Vs. Paper

2009-05-25T22:25:00.000+01:00

Episode 4 - Pigs In Blankets

2009-04-30T01:09:00.000+01:00

It’s the worst disease to afflict mankind since the Millennium Bug and SARS teamed up to become an almighty force for evil. That’s right, Swine Flu. Scourge of all that is holy.

That or another Avian Flu.

Anyhoo that means an impromptu Swine Flu special of Big Red’s Fun Bus written and recorded in one day.

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Wii Movie

2009-04-26T17:13:00.000+01:00

Episode 3 - The Pies Have It

2009-04-13T00:31:00.000+01:00

In this edition Simon "Strings" McKenzie recommends another essential band, Mercenary Charity Worker tries to help the blind and Malcolm Chuff offers his thoughts on George Galloway, the Pope's visit to Africa and Scotland's obesity crisis.

There's also another edition of Learn To Speak Scottish (West Coast Edition), Betty and Senga compare war wounds and Sylvester Singleton offers his tips on what not to do on a first date.

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Happy Fucking Easter

2009-04-12T14:32:00.003+01:00

Gorge yourself on chocolate and show your love for Jesus, who lest we forget invented it, hence today's celebration. Then he teamed up with the Easter Bunny and defeated evil. So give thanks and eat an Aero egg.

Toilet Paper: A Rant

2009-04-05T13:27:00.001+01:00

Sorry!

2009-03-22T19:10:00.001Z

Life's been a bit hectic so episode 3 is going to be a bit late. It's been pretty much written so just needs to be recorded and edited. Should be up sometime in the following week.

Twatter

2009-03-14T03:29:00.013Z

I don't have a Twitter account. There I've outed myself. How weird am I? If I did it would probably read like this. Think of it as an anti-micro-blog.

Watching Flight of the Conchords. Might pause it and go for a piss.
10:13 PM Mar 1st from web
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Lightbulb's went and gone in the lamp. Can't see where I'm going to fit new one.
1:48 AM Mar 2nd from web
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What was that noise out the back door?
8:02 PM Mar 4th from web
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Turns out it was a badger doing battle with a fox. Nothing interesting.
8:04 PM Mar 4th from web
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Thinking about having a Jammie Dodger. That or a Wagon Wheel. Decisions, decisions.
1:33 PM Mar 5th from web
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Got a blonde patch in my hair now. That's what happens when you don't realise a bird's shat on yer heid.
10:01 PM Mar 6th from web
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Just sitting on the grass with my finger up my arse, playing with my ding-a-ling. Back door's got a high wall.
2:20 PM Mar 7th from web
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What a week! What a fucking week! You'll never believe all the mental shizzle that's been going on! Momentus shizzle! Right what happened wa
6:05 PM Mar 13th from web
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Hmmm, seems that anti-micro-blogging isn't much different to actual micro-blogging.

My Life As A Dog

2009-03-07T18:15:00.000Z

Episode 2 - Away To See A Man About A Dug

2009-02-23T01:42:00.001Z

In this edition the Mercenary Charity Worker attempts to save the children of Africa, Eddie Armin reads one of his “Horrorscopes”, Leo DC reminisces on his time on Marvin’s Room and Jimmy Jacket remembers what holidays were like back in his day.

Plus there’s another edition of Learn To Speak Scottish (West Coast Edition), Sylvester Singleton warns of the dangers of buying your lady friend chocolates and Simon “Strings” McKenzie recommends the new hottest bands.

Also Malcolm Chuff is on hand to give his views on Religious bus adverts, Korean dog cloning and whether swans are better than Bengal tigers.

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Episode 2...

2009-02-08T22:49:00.002Z

...is on its way. Honest!

Help Save Ginger Hair

2009-02-05T20:04:00.002Z

In addition to the Podcast there will be other stuff on this here blog site thingamajig. Here's one of those other things, a video sketch about an issue very dear to my heart:

Episode 1 - Sharks On A Plane

2009-01-25T22:07:00.000Z

Here’s episode 1 of Big Red’s Fun Bus.

In this edition Jimmy Jacket reminisces about what entertainment was like in his day, Eddie Armin tries his hand at hypnotism, Malcolm Chuff offers his thoughts on Boy George’s arrest, the nature of heroism, Hollywood’s possible treatment of the Hudson River plane crash and the discovery of methane on Mars.

Plus there’s an edition of Learn To Speak Scottish (West Coast) and David Hasselhoff, Rugger player, looks back at his time on Baywatch.

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